festive rainbow mirror summoning!

[incanted]

There are now one dozen Bells.

They and most of their friends are all here on Planet Rainbowsand II, to celebrate the addition of Sarion, the elf one, and Aurora, the one with a sister.

Comments

[self_composed]

"I love you too, I'm sorry," Stella murmurs.

[incanted]

Aurora's going to take a couple steps backwards now with a very uncomfortable look on her face.

[edgeofyourseat]

"I liked that the hurting part was a surprise," he murmurs, "but maybe - not the rest of it."

[self_composed]

"I'm sorry," repeats Stella quietly.

[edgeofyourseat]

He sighs again, and cuddles her a little.

[incanted]

Aurora thinks she has learned a potentially valuable lesson here. She leaves.

[self_composed]

Stella's not so readily disentangled from the situation. She pokes at Alice's thoughts, when enough of a silence has elapsed to make her nervous.

[edgeofyourseat]

He loves her. He loves her a lot.

But that's kind of the problem, isn't it? He loves her, and he can't ever stop doing that, and that is something she made happen on purpose, and when he asked her if that was why she made him think it wasn't, but then it turned out to be part of it after all.

[self_composed]

[I'm sorry,] she says again.

[edgeofyourseat]

[I know,] he says, hugging her gently. [I just don't know if—I don't know what to do about it, I don't know what you can learn from this, what you can do differently to make me not so sad about it, it's not like this is the kind of thing that happens twice.]

[self_composed]

[It's - ugh - it's not logically impossible to stop being a vampire. If you want to stop your ingot power will probably help, even though we can't send you through Downside like Nathan.]

[edgeofyourseat]

[...okay,] he says. [I - don't even know if I want to, but I kind of feel better knowing it's an option.]

[self_composed]

Stella shivers and hugs him.

[edgeofyourseat]

He cuddles her. [What's up?]

[self_composed]

[I wanted it for fucked up reasons. That doesn't mean I didn't want it.]

[edgeofyourseat]

[You can have feelings about that,] says Alice, dropping a kiss on her shoulder. [And, you know, all things considered, I'd rather know about them than not.]

[self_composed]

[I think I freaked out Aurora. I think she's glad she heard that story because it means she's got fair warning against turning into me. I don't like that. I don't like that you might want to stop being a vampire specifically because you don't like the bond effect as opposed to any of the other effects.]

[edgeofyourseat]

[I still love you,] he says. [I still would love you, if I stopped being a vampire. I just - wouldn't - be forced to.]

It is an interesting fact of Aurum vampire physiology that they do not cry.

[self_composed]

Stella is silent.

[edgeofyourseat]

He hugs her.

[C'mon, I know you're thinking something in there, it's not like you ever stop,] he says gently.

[self_composed]

[Today of all days I am doubly glad that you cannot read my mind,] Stella murmurs. [Everything I'm thinking makes me feel like a terrible person and I am glad I can be a terrible person in private so it wouldn't hurt to look at myself more than it does.]

[edgeofyourseat]

[I don't think you're a terrible person,] says Alice. [I love you. And I don't want you to hurt yourself, but - I want to know.]

[self_composed]

Stella swallows.

[I love you too,] she says first, because that's easy and definite.

And:

[Everything I can think of to say sounds defensive like I'm trying to have a fight and I don't want to have a fight.]

[edgeofyourseat]

[Okay,] he says. [So now I know you don't want to have a fight.]

[self_composed]

[Okay, um. I am pretty good at having many reasons for doing things. And things that aren't exactly reasons but are positive features of the decision, or negative features of the alternatives, that I note. If the only facts of the situation had been that you would like turning into a vampire and I could be sure that you weren't going to wind up mated to anyone who wasn't me, then that would've, honestly, I swear, sufficed to induce me to turn you, if it had occurred to me. But yes, the reason the thought entered my head was because I wanted to be surer than I was that I could trust you, and that wasn't even all for personal relationship reasons even though that was there what with all the conversations we kept having about how you couldn't be sure you weren't going to fall for someone else as hard and suddenly as you did for me. We had only recently met the Joker and I did not get along with him and I didn't have Mary repeatedly explaining to me about how harmless Jokers with coins are or nearly a dozen other examples of the template telling me how harmless Jokers with Bells are. All I had to go on was you and him and the idea of you turning into what I knew of him made me sick and Golden was so completely secure. She knows like she knows arithmetic that she has Edward forever and always so long as they both shall live. His actual personality might not be my cup of tea, but you, you I love, and all I knew was that I had you as long as your brain didn't do anything else sudden and unexpected like it had already been shown to do. When you fell for me. Or anything unpleasant. When the Joker - existed.]